Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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