Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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