Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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