I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
