So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
