They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
