Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
