tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
