I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
