Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
