peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
At least life still wants to fuck me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
