drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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