I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
