I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
