I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
