It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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