i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I need water and some morals
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
