Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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