my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
