if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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