if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We are two peas in an std pod
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
