So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
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What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize