I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
