My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
