a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
