"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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