How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
