The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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