I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
