I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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