Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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