They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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