Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
