I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize