Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
