we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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