How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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