We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
