doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
