Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
