i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
