She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
