3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
