Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
