I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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