I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
