You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
