Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Randomize
