Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
