On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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