I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
