is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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