I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
