I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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