Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
