You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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