i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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