I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
