i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
