i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
pop tarts are not kleenex
she peed on how many people?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
