I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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