he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
