Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
