So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
