My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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