He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
