True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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