How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
