I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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