4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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