I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
