wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
