Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
