I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
