just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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