Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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