Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
