just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
