3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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