I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
