why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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